Beloved Gateway

An interview with Lisa Marie Conine, Death Doula

Photography by Cate Clother

Cate Clother: How would you describe the role of a death doula to someone unfamiliar with it?

Lisa Marie Conine: The role of a death doula is formally described as providing holistic, non-medical support to individuals and loved ones moving through end-of-life. For me, I also see the role of the death doula as one who is called to facilitate the cultural shift of reclaiming death and grief as sacred elements to our experience on earth. Whether working with one person or educating larger communities, a death doula's work is about facilitating remembrance. 

Cate: What inspired you to become a death doula?

Lisa Marie: Countless things led to my call towards this work, but what catalyzed me to take action was being initiated by grief itself alongside deep exploration into my blood lineages, all while seeing the lack of cultural support for moving through the gateways of death and grief. These factors combined to tap me on the shoulder to do my part to change that. 

Cate: Why is it important to engage with grief rather than suppress it?

Lisa Marie: Engaging with grief is an engagement with life. Death and grief are experiences we will all cross through, and when we suppress them, like we have been taught, we stop the flow of our life-force energy. I see grief as a teacher, with its own energy that asks to move through us. What it teaches each of us is individual, but having the support to facilitate that process is essential. 

Cate: What role do rituals or ceremonies play in helping people navigate loss?

Lisa Marie: Rituals and ceremonies are the ways we create containers for ourselves to move through the big thresholds of life. They can hold us and help us navigate things like unthinkable loss.

In modern Western culture, we have largely lost these practices. Death and grief exist outside the realm of linear time, which is an inconvenience to the persistent pressure of productivity. Rituals and ceremonies slow us down and take us into sacred time where we can be at the feet of these experiences and allow them to transform us. 

If one is experiencing grief and does not have a background in finding support through ritual or ceremony, they can start with something simple. Anyone can create a ritual for themselves. Rituals are often things we do with repetition. In my own experience, a ritual might simply be a daily visit to the river to feel emotion, process an experience, and connect to the earth. It could be lighting a candle daily beside a picture of a loved one or making a cup of tea with an herbal ally. Finding a ritualistic activity that feels supportive to your heart during times of grief helps create moments of connection when navigating loss. 

Photos from Lisa’s “Death Over Dinner” event in October 2024, co-hosted by chef Brandy Black at Bee Kind Bakery

Cate: Where do you personally find the strength and energy to do this work?

Lisa Marie: To continue with this work, I am constantly in dialogue with it. I see it as a living, breathing thing that I am in relationship with. I periodically check in with my vision, desires, and skills, alongside the needs I am seeing in my communities that are asking to be addressed. I am big on having a solid foundation of personal practices to support me in maintaining longevity. But the work itself, the work of supporting a human through end-of-life, has always felt life-giving to me. It is the larger cultural contexts and the ins and outs of running a business, etc., that have me leaning on my practices the most. 

Cate: Are there any particular cultural traditions or rituals around death that influence your work?

Lisa Marie: Connecting with my ancestral lineages consistently influences me. Learning my family's stories, traveling to my ancestral homelands, and reweaving that connection into my life has been foundational. It helped me see clearly that one day I will be a future ancestor, which has allowed me to look at my own mortality in a way that includes honor and reverence. Honoring the dead is present all over the world, and it is quite practical actually; it keeps us connected to those who came before us and to the fact that we will one day die. This creates a grounded awareness that does not allow one to ignore death. 

Cate: Can you explain what the "death positivity" movement is and why it’s important?

Lisa Marie: I see the "death positivity" movement as an expression of reclaiming ancestral wisdom and our connection to the natural rhythms on earth. People are waking up to the fact that it causes unnecessary suffering to ignore and deny the inevitability of death and grief. It is deeply inspiring to see so many people feeling the call to shift collective consciousness. If you feel that call, you can start by simply examining your own mortality, your end-of-life wishes, and what kind of legacy you wish to leave behind. We can begin to have these conversations internally and with our friends and loved ones. When we do this, it creates deeper intimacy and connection in our relationships, and it allows us to know one another's needs and honor them in the precious moments at the end of life. Many folks don't have these conversations ahead of time, and then, instead of being present with their loved ones at the end, they have to navigate numerous decisions and the fear that they may not be making the right choice. The first step we can all take is to begin these conversations with one another. Death is a key component of life, and reclaiming it has a way of making us more alive. 

Lisa Marie Conine

Lisa Marie serves as a Certified Death Doula and Yoga Instructor, offering grief support, death education, and end-of-life planning. She is passionate about leaning into the innnate wisdom held within our human flesh, plant allies, and earth rhythms. Lisa specializes in utilizing plants and yogic tools to expand our capacity to be with our lives in the face of uncomfortable transitions. She believes that through resilient communal webs of support, we can remember how to fully live. Lisa Marie is a daughter of the water and a vessel for the love that asks to flow through her.